The man screamed and fell to the floor in agony. Two others tried to catch him but he was too heavy. He hit the floor and writhed in pain. His body and face contorted. My friends and I stood in the corner, laughing hysterically. We shouted, “We’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing with you! Bahahaha!”

To put it all in perspective, we were only being slightly insensitive. This poor guy’s torture was preplanned and part of rookie police training. The guy on the floor had just been tased. We laughed because we’d all been there…Every stinking one of us. 

The day they tased me, I learned a new skill. I had no idea I could squeal. But that’s the sound I produced when the volts hit my hip and leg. What did it feel like? If someone did a drum roll on your hip with a sledgehammer, that’d be close. After all the anticipation, I was just glad it was over—no more dread of being tased ever again. Now I can laugh at everyone else. 

One of my first memories of dread came at age 5. My preschool class had prepared all week for a graduation program. Each child had to approach the onstage microphone and repeat the same phrase. “My name is Loyd Baker, I’m five years old, and I will be in big school next year.” That I remember the phrase verbatim testifies to the trauma of this event.

For some reason, I couldn’t speak into the mic without laughing. It may have been my nerves, but the fact that I couldn’t pull off this simple task added to the dread. I really didn’t want to do this, but I didn’t think I had an option, so I stressed over the program for days. 

Finally, the anxiety became too much. I said I didn’t want to participate in the graduation. To my surprise, my mother said it was ok, I didn’t have to. She said they could mail me my diploma. The relief was profound. I remember it 55 years later. 

Both these traumatic events are now in the past. They no longer cause me anxiety. Even more so, as I look ahead to the end of life, I need not fear judgment. That too is in the distant past. Jesus faced God’s judgment so I would never have to. He took my place. When God judges sin, I don’t have to be there. What an awesome relief.  “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!” (2 Corinthians 9:15)